Each and every regional convention I go to I meet a member of a club more exclusive than even the IJA life-member club. We swap stories of failure, of double digit drops, of sweat-palms, and, of course, of vests. The best part of these stories are that we laugh our asses off while telling them because we have come to accept what we have done in the past. Members of this club have a special bond and this bond can never be broken. 

Next IJA convention, I propose they set up a special party for all of us who have competed in the Juniors competition and have failed miserably. "The Juniors Failure Club" will have the following admission requirements: 

1) Finishing in the bottom half of the competition. This is a must. 

2) The competition vest must be worn to the party. I still have mine deep in the back of my closet. Sequins and matching bow-ties are worth extra points. 

3) Your father must have been your "lovely-assistant" during the competition. 

4) You must have, at least once, stated the words "If only I had the money to go to (fill in the city name of the next festival here), I would have won." This is a definite must. Every Junior failure has said this. 

5) You must have an interesting story to tell about your prop stand. Personally, mine fell apart on stage. It was not funny at the time, but has since become one of the highlights of my Juniors failure story. 

6) During the competition, you must have done that finger motion to the audience where you lift one finger as if to tell them to give you one more try at a certain trick. You must have then preceded to attempt this trick five more times. 

7) You must have change your entire act immediately before going on stage thinking this would vault you into a medal position. For any non-Juniors competitor who was wondering, this is where all the drops come from. 

If anybody out there is also a member of The Juniors Failure Club, please post your story. I know there are plenty of there with - some hilarious stories because I have talked to them. 

For those of you who think that I am cruel for making fun of past Juniors competitors, check the 1992 Competition tape (8th place). I'm there, and I take full responsibility for my actions. For those of you who have the tape and still don't remember my name, I think I'm the guy you fast-forward through to see Brian Patz' act.