BY LAURA GREEN,

THE JUGGLING QUEEN

With Special Guest Survivor, Billy Barrett

 

"Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day." -movie mogul Sam Goldwyn

 

Greetings from Hollywood, darlings! Jugglers World has the questionable taste to

invite me to splash their pages full of gossip, dropped names and a little advice to amuse and enlighten you, Dear Readers on Hollywood. Maahvahluss! If you are neither enlightened nor amused fax me and we'll moosh martinis at Mezzaluna, yes? Your treat.

 

So, my little love! Is your brilliant career in the back waters lagging? Tired of the same old school shows? Tired of driving pot-holed highways through rotten weather to make a few bucks as a roving boob at Taco Bell? Tired of the nagging suspicion that somewhere out in the cascading cosmos there are jugglers who are working steadily, making good money, getting tanned and HAVING MORE FUN THAN YOU?

 

YES! You are RIGHT!

 

We are!

 

And our town is L.A............... Hollywoooooood, darling!

 

Now if you believe L.A. is just a gaggle of goofballs (we call them "creatives") not worth the shaky ground it's squatting on, get outta town! If you are stuffy, stay home! But if you are dreaming to boldly go where everyone out of their right mind has boldly gone and gone again, hang on little brother and Just Move It! LA's THE happenin' place, babe.

 

Like many fools before you, you will be coming out here a rube juggler, but with a little luck and a lot of work you'll be going back A STAR!

 

THE FAST FLASH ON SEISMIC CITY

"This Sure Doesnt Look Like Kansas, Toto"

                                                                     -Dorothy Gale

 

All the bad press about our town is true. Yes, we have fires, floods, riots, earthquakes, and Regis Philbin, but we also have MORE FUN that the rest of you! It is this fun and the fact that Los Angeles has EVERYTHING that sets it far apart from all the other markets in the country.

 

Have YOU seen Uma Thurman pumping her own gas? Watched Dustin Hoffman select tomatoes at Ralphs? Met Jimmy Stewart, played for the Saudi Prince, shopped side by side with Richard Geer, ducked Cher's Harley, or peeked at Brad Pitt shuffling through discount socks at the Pic N Save? I have, darling! And YOU can too!

 

Where else can you watch movies being shot right on your street, enjoy babes in thongs and buffly dudes cruising on Roller Blades, have every fashion statement at your finger tips and never have to walk anywhere! Nobody walks in L.A., love, unless it's a power walk.

 

Power walk! Power lunch! Power book! Power play! Power broker! Power hair! Power clothes! And best of all...Power jugglers!

 

The Los Angeles Jugglers boast the best when it comes to star power. (Here's the shameless name dropping!) Mark Nizer, The Passing Zone, Matthew Love, Kathy & Jack Kalvan, Rick Rubenstein, Dan Holzman, Dan Bennett, Bob Mendelson, Jeff Daymont, Robert Nelson, Jess Monroe and Billy Barrett. Even cagy old Bud Markowitz is a "supah stah"!

 

Outrageous EL AYE! Very sunny, honey. Terribly vulgar, hot blooded and laid back, politically sensitive and totally incorrect. New Age slap happy, often violent, cutting edge high tech zippy, super slick sexy. A sensual overload on all diagnostic levels.

 

Ahhh! My kinda little town!

 

Dig it. A totally chill vintage stretch ten & ten limo smooths into view, smokey glass shielding sultry stars and A-List Players and you think: What ARE they doing in there? Can I do it too?

 

Yes! Yes, you can, sugar! You can do anything your lusty little heart desires, for Los Angeles is The City of Angels with every creative and technical resource available to make your dreams come true, and this DOES set us apart from Topeka.

Absolutely EVERYTHING is here: stages, tee vee, the silver screen, fine artists and wild wizards who create techno fantasies and special effects. Stand up and street performing, improv and classical the-ah-tah, opera, sym­phony, dance, music of every stripe, people of all colors and opportunity at every turn of Sunset Boulevard.

 

Even great bagels and hot pastrami on real Jewish rye can be found in La La Land. Even Baltimore hard crabs and cold Chesapeake beer! Need I say more, poppet?

You're sold! You're packed! You're staying with me!

 

But how, my little pretty, do you find happiness in the original Land of Oz?

 

You find it by being that smart idiot Sam Goldwyn was talking about. You find it by having drive, having talent, and having a bitchin doo.