Jack Kalvan, supergenius, made the rounds with an acceloratometor of his own design, so cool I call it "the Kalvanator." This stunningly simple device was eerily,

uncannily, accurate, as tests with 5 and 7 balls revealed. Measuring hand speed, it determined (given perfect control) how many balls you could ultimately juggle.

 

Watching jugglers furiously pumping away, I expected 13-year-old boys to clock the highest numbers, but drummers excelled, as did Arthur Lewbel, who needs to get that lazy right hand (16 balls) up to speed with his left (21). Early data suggests that Dan Bennet (there's a surprise...) is slacking off, not working up to his 22-ball potential.

 

The yo-yo posse featured Wholly Holey Steve, a megapierced superfreak steadily

throwing two yo-yo's, elegantly-tattooed forearms on display - a little yo-yo guy, and three and five ball patterns, lest he forget. Steve was in good company at the festival, and the Renegade stage (when it wasn't family-hour) featured a tasty assortment of human oddities and grotesque occurrences, with Jim Rose Circus Side-Show alumnus Mark Faje as ringleader.

 

A kendama breakout included choice tricks sans string most wicked. If only Morty, of Scottish kendama biffarama fame, could have been there.

 

Joe "Joeski" Niedzielkowski was a star, taking a day out of his fest to officiate, AND choking me on my donuts with lunchroom humor ("here's Jack...snortsnort"). His chair breakdown face-balance and collapse left me in stitches, 'cos it looked like he shoulda been. Joe showed a larger edition of one of his statues, and admiration for it got the floor all soggy with desire. Let's ditch the paperweight prize, and award Joeski statues instead of medals - hasn't Jay collected enough silver?

 

Late nights got weird. As Jon Held tried to articulate the wonder that is field juggling, Ben Schoenberg looked burly with a wicked behind the back pass. Becky Provance played ball (twin Laura gathered 30 clubs on games day).

 

Albert Lucas was a good sport, and a team player, but he is reportedly more joggling diety than fieldball god. Then the dartball came out. Rick Rubinstein drove grounders. Joeski swung a mean chair, slamming the ball to the gym wall. Give 'em each a donut, but save one, the white powdered kind, for Karl-Heinz Ziethen, because they are his favorite ("Here's Karl. ..snortsnort").

 

IS THAT A GOLD MEDAL, OR AM I JUST HAPPY TO SEE YOU?

Sam, happy as a boy who had just won a gold medal, gave daily gymnastics workshops. He had Karl-Heinz and Arthur doing handstands, and me, too! With no training except an early bedtime, Sam joined Bill Giduz, Mike Hout, and Albert Lucas joggling for Team Exerball, before going on to place in men's seniors (granted, a very small category...), and set the record in over-50 (an even smaller category). If he begins serious training, joggling records will break like hearts. Imagine what that picture in Sam's attic looks like...or Deeble's...or mine! Or you could just look at Todd this year...

 

Albert Lucas gave away his gold medals like they were Crackerjack prizes, making lots of kiddies very, very happy. He prominently did the social thang, and people appreciated it; I only heard one new Albert joke all festival (aside from fieldball! ), AND he graciously handled my bag at the airport, making me very, very happy. You know how I hate to port luggage. Oh, prop-boy...

 

FOOTNOTE:

Iman was the handstand goddess, a shoe in with superb footwear that severely rocked my world. I'd give it all up for Dr. Stardust's sole. I moaned aloud, and immediately spent my Rastelli buck on his shoes.

 

I went Vegas, and there is no going back, but it's good showmanship for those in the public eye to reward the gaze. Laura Green had a sleek hair thing working, and she was suitably elegant at the judges table, but she k.o.'ed in the gym with Everlast boxers. They gathered an appreciative crowd keen on cutting-edge gymwear.

 

Ian Adcock, from Nottingham, was in camo, which hard staring revealed to be a 1997 British Juggling Convention shirt. It suited me to a tee, but he made off with the shirt on his back. I'll have to hazard across dangerous waters to come by one dishonestly. And.where DID he get those marvelous shoes? White leather Chuck Taylor hightops!

 

BUSINESS AS USUAL?

IJA headquarters were more democratic this year, including jugglers with the bureaucrats. As usual, Madison Area Jugglers went bowling with the New Yorkers, but they also worked security. San-D was throwing plate tricks on Renegade, and running five clubs in stylish fashion, and enforcing at pre-lims, as well. Familiar new faces are showing up in the judges chambers, and there may be further evolution, when juniors have more distance from their past.

 

No one was blown away by the winds of change in board membership. Newcomer Sam Kilbourn is probably a conservative choice. Career juggler Jack Kalvan was left holding his acceloratometer, without a seat on board.

 

PASSING THROUGH:

Ian was chatting everyone up, stealing tricks for the next British Festival, and bidding furiously at the IJA auction, narrowly missing some lovely mementos. He was last seen roaming the American west with a cooler of chili beer, I guess because our crisps are so boring. Vince Bruce, the London cowboy, was over, but most imports were German. The Bramsons were lodged firmly in our hearts, and Karl.Heinz was there, and everywhere else.