Page 10                                                  May 1978 

Between his sobs he heard a voice calling him. He sat up and listened as a firm voice said, "Caphir, I gave you the choice when your ancient memory was still intact. You chose this path and the choices are not easily unmade."

 

So Caphir wiped his eyes and sniffled once and pushed at the chipped up heart with his toe. He was lonely and unhappy, but he resigned himself to his lot. As he mused over his fate, he kept pushing the heart against the wall and it would roll back to him. Soon he began to notice different ways to bounce it off the wall, then from one hand to the other, then back off the wall. Why had he never tried this before, he wondered. Look at all the wonderful tricks he could do!

 

Caphir became very excited. . So excited, in fact, that he forgot to be sad. All night he practiced making his beautiful heart do color cartwheels in the air. The next morning he felt he must show someone else his great discovery. He rushed outside, then stopped short. A great weight decended upon him. How could he show anyone? His heart was invisible.

 

After much thought Caphir decided that somehow people must see this wonderful thing. He tried tossing a colored ball into the air so that it made patterns with his heart. But people only said, "Look at that strange man throwing a ball in the air." So he learned to throw his heart into the air with two colored balls. This took great skill, but still no one

noticed. "Anyone can do a trick with two colored balls," they said. Caphir became obsessed. They will see," he would cry.  And he learned to throw three colored balls into the air spinning around with his heart.

 

One day, as he practiced this feat, a child came by with his mother. The child cried, "Mother, look at the juggler. He can make magic color s in the air. "

 

"Juggler?", thought Caphir. "Is that what I am? I only wanted someone to see ...but no mind, that is what I shall be until someone really sees."

 

So Caphir traveled the earth doing his tricks and learning many more. All the time his heart dragged along behind him and he was safe only when he was making beautiful patterns with it and the brightly colored balls.

 

Sometimes he would become despondent and think that no one would ever see how lovely his feelings really were. Other times someone would say there seemed there were more balls in the air than he was juggling. Caphir would become very excited and filled with hope. But then they would count the balls and say he must be a very good juggler to fool their eyes so. Caphir would sigh and go back to juggling and think how people really should look more with their hearts and less with their eyes.

 

Time was passing and Caphir was growing though he scarcely realized it. He still tried to make up for his being different. When he was not juggling he tried on many faces and many beliefs. He let different philosophies echo around in his brain and when it was too painful for his poor scarred heart he let some of them out as words to protect him.

 

In the end he would drag his heart up from the dust, polish it on his sleeve, and tell it, "You are only good for doing

tricks and then few can see you ever for a second. But, that second is worth it."  And he would go back to practicing.

 

Many years passed. Caphir became well loved for his gift of making others smile and for his gentleness but never for his being Caphir with the incredible heart. Caphir knew that his life was nearly half over and he felt sad but resigned. His wisdom was such now that he felt he could still love the earth and its beings without their truly loving all of him.

 

One day after many hours of practicing, Caphir sat in one of the quiet, light places the earth provided so all its creatures could rest. All around him were balls and rings and clubs of many lovely colors. As usual, his heart lay there among them. As he was wondering what new trick might finally make his heart visible, a lovely lady walked by. Caphir looked up to find her watching him.

 

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