by Leif Pettersen

(Editor's note: For many of us, juggling festivals provide the boost we need to get through the rest of our drab, meaningless lives - kind of like the way the zoomy downward rushes on a roller coaster help us forget the boring ratcheting upwards parts in between. Since jugglers share a 4,000-years-old tradition to "Try To Get In For Free," finding cheap crash space is a highly-developed art in some circles. The following letter crossed my desk this summer, originally addressed to a group of parry people prior to converging on the IJA's 49th summer festival, and it seemed to me to be a nice capsule summary of how to have fun beating "The System." The author is Leif Pettersen, who lives in Minneapolis, and can qualify nine Fergies on a good night. His name is pronounced "life," and you cannot make a joke about it that he hasn't already heard. Here's his letter; some details have been altered to help keep the lawyers away:)

Dear Econo-Jugglers,

You are all aware of the general plan to cram a bunch of us in one room for the five nights of festival. Here are the specifics:

- The place is called the Lap O'Luxury Motel.

- The cost is $69.95 a night. So assuming we keep the seven people that have committed to me, it'll be a little over $10 a night per person after tax.

- The room has two queen size beds and a kitchenette with a microwave and a refrigerator (burritos and beer, 3 times a day. Yum!).

- They think that only two people (ha, ha!) will be staying in the room. This brings many subtle, yet valid, issues to the surface. There will, obviously, not be enough towels, soap, shampoo, etc., for seven people, so please bring these things plus whatever personal items (no need to go into detail) you might not automatically bring when staying in a motel. Also, if you haven't already done the math on the juggler-to-bed ratio, be aware you will probably end up sleeping on the floor at least a couple times during the week, so pack sleeping paraphernalia accordingly.

Lastly and most important, when stuffing a motel room, keep in mind when you are on the premises and/or coming and going, the key word is "inconspicuous." I would really like to avoid a management confrontation where we end up sleeping in our cars in the Civic Center parking lot for the remainder of the week. Plus, any ugliness might result in the disembowelment (is that a word?) of my beloved MasterCard, the number of which they hold in their clutches. So, let's save the juggling for the gym and the drunken hysteria for, well, anywhere other than the room. Capeesh?

I will make every effort to get us two keys to rotate between us, but in the event that we only get one, a "Community Key Hiding Place" might have to be established for easy, universal access to the room.

I will have to personally check in before anything can happen. John and I are planning on arriving sometime around 9 or 10 p.m. Monday (subject to minor change depending on how much we decide to break the speed limit), so we can be at the gym the second it opens Tuesday morning. If you also choose to arrive the night before, talk to John or me about locating us with minimal random, confused, attention-getting wandering around the motel. If you're arriving Tuesday, our first rendezvous should be at the gym, rather than loitering in conspicuous groups in the motel parking lot. Since I'm actually arriving with John, he and I will be the two people "officially" staying in the room. Anyone else caught in the room is "just visiting" or "lost" or "drunk and lost" or whatever brilliant, air-tight excuse you come up with on the spot.

I'll collect "rent" from you guys when I have an exact, after tax, nightly bill figure. Cash and checks accepted. Late debtors will be tied up and forced to stand between Steve and me during a heated "Suicide Passing" session. If Steve is the delinquent one, he'll be forced to lie under Jill while she practices her weird four club tricks.

See you in Rapid City!

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The Internet is a source of amazement for us all- to me, it's a wonder that anyone can actually take it seriously: it's like having this 24-hour non-stop full-tilt unchaperoned party going on inside a giant library. You can find all these folks who are just so much fun to talk to and play with, but if you need to know Alexander Hamilton's birthday, you can get that, too. Part of the exuberant burbling noise of the Net is the rec.juggling newsgroup: open all hours, and a great place to soak up juggling information and culture.

Culture?? Well, popular culture, to be sure, but here and there too you'll find the occasional nod to Beauty, Balance, and the other muses that inspire us to keep practicing and chasing those darn props. This summer, Andrew Conway (Chief Instigator of the Lodi jugglefest, and Hall of Fame Director on Barry Bakalor's wonderful Juggling Information Service) was inspired to jot down an aerial arts alphabet, which he posted on rec.juggling. It appears here with Andrew's permission.

The Jugglers' ABC by Andrew John Conway

Somebody said - I think it was me ­ that what this place needs is some more poetry

So now I will bring you without further ado

A wonderful ditty I wrote just for you.

A is for Adanos, a gent who entrances

B is for Brunn, both Lottie and Francis

C for Cardenas and Cinquevalli

D is for Daymont with Sergei his dolly

E is for Eastwood who juggles so quick

F is for Fields with cigar box and stick

G is for Gatto, a pro at eleven

H is for Horn who force bounces seven

I is Ignatov, a master with rings

J is for Jaeger, who balanced odd things

K is for Kara who's one of the greats

L is for Lucas who juggles on skates

M is for Moschen, "Don't copy I beg"

N is for Nicholls with only one leg

O for Olivier who makes us all titter

P is Picaso, the ping pong ball spitter

R for Rastelli, the best of all time

S is Salerno, but I'm lost for a rhyme

T is for Truzzi, a style that appeals

V is for Vida who juggles in heels

W is Wallenda who walked on a ball

For X I don't have anybody at all

Y is for Young, both Ollie and brother

Z is Zuniga, Manuel and the others

My poem is over, my rhymes are all done

Now I'm going to juggle, it's so much more fun.

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Shameless groveling: If you think you'd like to help spread mirth to the masses, or simply want to see your name in Juggler's World, one avenue of approach is to send humorous material of interest to jugglers - anecdotes, true stories, tall tales, jokes, whatever - to the "Funnies" editor (that would be me): Jerry Martin; Richfield, MN.

Veiled threat: "Journalism" turns out to be the Latin word for "print the grocery list if it means filling space;" to help avoid seeing my grocery list in JW - and it's not a pretty sight­send in lots of boffo laugh-a-minute stuff, okay?