When I heard of Stone's tasty twist on the apple trick, the only solution I could think of was something like matzo balls covered with frosting - not very workable, since they'd look bumpy, and they'd probably be sticky, too. The Bear soon put me right: he had used raw potatoes, carved to the proper size and shape. 

If you decide to try this for yourself, you should know that raw potatoes are not digestible, so you don't want to overdo it. Finding spuds large enough might be difficult, though they are known to exist in ponderous sizes. I recall a fascinating book about food ser- vice on one of the passenger-carrying railroads (Northern Pacific? Great Northern?) which had an advertising gimmick on the order of "Biggest Gosh-Darned Baked Potato You Ever Saw." The company went nuts with it: corporate headquarters had potato-shaped billboards on top of its office buildings, and potato images and potato slogans appeared on all kinds of giveaway items. Their magazine ads featured a generic American family in a dining car, sitting in bug- eyed awe around a single mutant baked potato that would dwarf a football. 

Apparently, there was no other market for these monster tubers, so before this promotion came along, farmers would either show them at county fairs or just feed them to the pigs. Hey! Am lI missing a bet here? I could use my lathe to make potato juggling clubs, then deep-fry them! In performance, I'd have some bowls on low stands, containing ketchup, sour cream, and maybe guacamole or gravy for more exotic venues, and I could simply dip each club while juggling, and take a big bite as it came around in the pattern...Yeah... And, it'd be so classy to have colorful condiments splashed all over my face, too... I could freeze them for microwaving later, and maybe even market them. They'd need a snappy name, though: "Satellites?" No... "Airflites?" Uh-uh... Wait, I've got it! Yes! . "Appetites!"  

To the editor: By my count, the name "Jerry Martin" appeared eight times in the Fall '97 Jugglers World, up from the previous record of 6.5 "Jerry Martin"'s in the Winter 1996-97 issue (7.5 if you count the "Jerry Martin" on the address label, though of course that only applies to Jerry Martin's personal copy). Since this is Jugglers World, and not Jerry Martin World, I feel I must object to devoting so much space to Jerry Martin's name, when it could be used for so many other worthwhile names, topics, or newsworthy items having nothing whatsoever to do with Jerry Martin. I mean, what kind of starving ego needs does this Jerry Martin have, anyway? Maybe if Jerry Martin were featured more prominently in the IJA videos, this wouldn't happen. Sincerely, 

Jerry Martin, President Jerry Martin Self-Aggrandizement Club

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Update: Mildred and Stefan's hopes lie shattered like so many cheap cigar boxes, now that Winifred has revealed her true identity as (Oops, wrong update! We now rejoin our standard groveling for reader contributions, which is already in progress.) ...Send in things other jugglers would find funny (true stories, jokes, riddles, lighthearted poetry, puns, and other humor-like objects - humorroids?) to the "Funnies" editor (that would be me): Jerry Martin; Richfield MN.  Special Deal: If you're part of the current or former British Empire, or just wish you were, we'll spell it 'humour' especially for you!